breastfeeding

I love this picture of Skywalker and myself. It is beauty. I love that this moment of feeding my son was able to be frozen in time. I have been so blessed this time around with Skywalker. We have been able to make it to nearly 4 months, so far, of exclusively breastfeeding. I definitely have days where I want to give up, but we push through it. We are finally hitting a good stride. I still have days of bad latches and frustrations of cluster feeds. But we are making it happen. And I feel blessed. It is such an amazing journey for us.

Breastfeeding was not something that ever really worked for Marshmallow and I. So at 12 weeks he got his last breast milk, which he took from a bottle. At that point, it was just one bottle a day for all the pumping I was doing. It was a long and rocky journey just to make it that far. And I was proud to have stuck with it and try for that long. I was sad that it never really worked for Marshmallow and I.

I made a promise to myself this time around that my breastfeeding journey was going to be different. Even if the result was the same, I wanted it to be different. So I made a few choices and put things in place to make sure it would be different from what it was with Marshmallow. Whether it would work or not, that was out of my control. But I wanted to give us the best chance possible to making it work for both of us. Thankfully, so far it has worked out for us.

From our very first latch everything has been different. I made sure he was fed within the first hour of him being born. I told the nurse I wanted to feed him and told her I needed help with getting him latched. I did not wait for their help this time. We had a great first latch. The nurse had been trained in lactation and was able to show me what to do. We got off to a great start.

At 6 weeks, I was still feeling sore and did not feel great about breastfeeding. So I got an appointment with a lactation consultant. She was a great help for us. She showed me a better way to latch Skywalker and also told me he does have the signs of a tongue tie and does have a lip tie. She said they are worth getting looked at if things do not continue to improve for us. And told me some signs to watch out for with both his ties. Things quickly improved. Still not perfect, but improved. And has made it so we have been able to continue our journey one day at a time. We have recently hit a point though where I am seeking to have his ties corrected. He has an appointment next month to take of his lip tie. His tongue tie we are leaving for now, as it is a very deep posterior and the doctor wants to get a second opinion on if worth correcting or not. I am hoping that correcting the lip tie will help improve our breastfeeding journey even more.

The other thing I told my self was to do what I need to do to make his feedings as stress free as possible. One of the stresses during my journey with Marshmallow, was having to hide while feeding him. Needing to use a nursing cover or blanket. So while I was fighting to get my son latched on, I was also struggling to keep a cover on and struggling being able to see what I was doing. Then constantly having to deal with adjusting the cover so I could see what I was doing with him during the feeding. I looked like a hot mess when using a cover and felt I drew a ton more attention to myself instead of being able to be discrete. So I have pushed myself to forget the cover this time around, until I feel comfortable using one (if at all). So from day one of his life, I have not used a cover. I have modest ways to nurse. I have figured out how to do so using my ring sling and in my Lillebaby carrier. Both keep us "covered up" when feeling the need to do so. Most people have no clue when using these and are surprised I am feeding, if they do discover what I am doing. It is just easier and less stressful this way for us. But I have skipped the traditional nursing covers and will continue to do so.

Honestly, I feel so much more confident feeding him this way. I do not feel like the hot mess, like I did when feeding Sam. I refuse to be ashamed. I know that nursing in public, whether with or without a cover, is not for everyone. But for me, I want to be able to go about our day as needed. I have therapy to take Marshmallow to and other places to be. I can not run to a restroom or to my car, with Marshmallow in tow, every time Skywalker needs to eat. I can not plan my day around his feedings as our schedule is not the most flexible. Taking this approach has made it easy to feed Skywalker and rarely feel stressed about feedings.

Surprisingly, in my 17 weeks of feeding Skywalker, I have yet to notice any negative looks or be told one single negative comment. I have been told several very positive comments though. Including one from a man about 10 years older than myself. Where he told me "Great job. Keep doing what you are doing. It is so nice to see a mother nursing in public. My wife is still nursing our one year old and she is shocked at the mentality of nursing in public from when we had our first 20 years ago and now 6 children later." It was so uplifting to hear. So I will keep doing exactly what I am doing.