It is official. We received the finalized paperwork with the ASD diagnosis for Marshmallow on Monday. The first step is done, in what appears will be an on-going process of steps to be done. But this is the first step of many and this will take us in the direction we need to go. Getting these 13 pages makes everything real and happening. It is a bit overwhelming to see on paper everything written out. It feels good to have proof I was not crazy in pursuing this all. To know I was not "just making things up about my son." I was not being ridiculous in my concerns. My mommy gut was dead on. I have the validation that are reasons for his behavior, and they are deeper than "he is just a toddler, that is what toddlers do." I finally have in writing answers to my initial questions about Marshmallow, and now I can really look for resources to help him flourish. Now that we know, we can do better as parents with all of this and become a better support for our son! As scary as the road ahead looks, because it is a road unknown, I am so happy to finally have in writing answers to so many of the questions I have had for the last 8 months, and looking back even longer. I see all the signs now, things that were there even when he was just a tiny infant. Now it all makes sense. And now I finally have the beginnings of a plan of action to take for our Marshmallow!
Where does this leave me?
Now with having the official paperwork we can pursue other resources to get Marshmallow help. We can apply for various services. Currently, the two things that have been talked with me to do soon are to apply for Division of Developmental Disability (DDD) services and also apply for the Empowerment Scholarship for Marshmallow. I do not know much about either, so will be working on figuring those out quickly. I need to get the scholarship application in by end of March, so that is a priority at the moment. I will be attending an informational meeting in a couple weeks to learn more about the scholarship, but I want to have the application hopefully filled out before then. So I am not submitting at the deadline.
This Friday, I have the IEP (Individualized Education Program) meeting with the preschool for Marshmallow. So, just waiting on that and hopefully he will be set to start preschool Monday! Which I am still feeling a ton of mixed emotions about.
The ABA therapy process is moving along, just waiting for his plan to get approved and a schedule made. Then we should be able to begin the pairing sessions to make sure Marshmallow clicks well with the therapist.
I am also starting to hunt around to figure out possible other options for preschool in the fall. I just am not sure that our school district really offers the best solution for Marshmallow, so want to learn what other options we may have available to us. I am also trying to figure out possible options for this summer, while school is out of session. Something to fill that gap each day to keep the hours of intervention where they need to be for him.
Personally, I am overwhelmed as I try to navigate everything. I am learning as we go along. My knowledge on everything is so little right now and I have a lot to learn and figure out. I am slowly meeting other families with children similar ages and in our area, and that has been a huge help. I have joined a few groups to be able to connect with other parents as well, and to be able to get some guidance. But ultimately, there is so much going on at once and I have had very little time to be able to breath and just let it all sink it. I know that I have to keep plowing through everything, as do not want to miss opportunities for our little guy. So I am just pretty overwhelmed with trying to take everything in, while trying to really understand everything at the same time.
I am worried about a billion and one things. With my main concern being how our new little guy, Skywalker, is going to fit into this crazy life. How is that change going to pan out for our family? Am I going to have the support I need when being pulled in 15 directions in just over 2 months? Thankfully, we are having family come out for a combined total of 8 weeks to stay with us, but I am nervous of how all this change is going to affect Marshmallow and how it is going to affect me. I am overwhelmed with all of this. But even just growing our family from 3 to 4, while exciting, has challenges in itself. All this with Marshmallow is just a sugar coating to our life. I am hoping that Marshmallow adjusts well in the next couple months and gets into a steady routine. I just am nervous how he is going to react to such a HUGE change in our lives, along with having added people in our home for a couple months.
And to answer THE question that everyone seems to have for me. "Is Marshmallow excited about being a big brother? Does he know?" NO. Marshmallow has no clue he is becoming a big brother and it is not for lack of trying to tell him. He has no understanding that our family is growing. He just has not been able to grasp the concept and does not understand what we are trying to tell him. This is one of the things that we are hoping to have help with him learning in the next couple months, so the transition will be a little smoother, hopefully. So NO he does not know and because he does not know, he is not excited about being a big brother. Which in itself is hard. I see friends who have children younger, who are pregnant or recently had their new additions and all their big siblings are able to grasp this concept and are so excited. Yes, I am jealous. I want our son to be able to have that too. So it is hard to see others have that added excitement as their families grow, where for me it just adds a layer of worry and frustration. I have tried to step back since we started the journey with his speech delay to be excited for our friends and family as we see their children hit milestones, but it is hard as I want so badly for Marshmallow to be there too. I am so excited for our growing family, but there is so much I worry about. But I am trying to not worry. So anyhow, I know this question is harmless when people ask, as no different than asking how far along, or boy/girl, or the billion of other questions people have for pregnant moms. But the truth is it makes me cringe every time. I never know how to answer without feeling like my son is being judged. I want to be able to say he knows and he is so excited about having a new side kick soon. Or even be able to share a funny story of how he is not excited and how he has expressed that. But I just laugh saying "he will learn one way or another. He will have to figure it out when baby brother comes home and does not leave." And scamper away before the conversation continues. Personally, I just hope we are able to help Marshmallow adjust to the idea, before it actually happens.
So this is pretty much where I am left currently. We have step one checked off our growing list. But this step gave us answers, which is the most important step of all. It gives us a starting point for the best ways to support our son. So our journey continues.
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